My heart leaps up when I behold a rainbow in the sky.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

lazy reminiscence

After a long lazy morning spent indulging in gallons of Nescafe & scanning through the grimy old magazines scattered around the house, I took up a thriller novel borrowed from the local library to restrain my lazy bones from midday nap. But the seductive French psycho killer was not enough to take my long nourished indolence at the back seat…and I zonked out! Shriveled under the quilt, I had to unwillingly open my eyes when the light of late afternoon beamed through the bay window and a handful of pleasant drowsiness sparkled around me.

It was one of those moments when I found myself with least of strength to fight back the feeling of nostalgia creep into me. It had a distinct feeling…a distinct smell… the world around filled up with the last ray of light and signified end of another day…that’s when I found myself with overpowering seclusion. The fight I lost, the way I let my incapability to get exposed to those bullies, backstabbing, the first smoke, first dance at terrace in monsoon, the view of adolescence, the teenage crush whom I humiliated, first time I lied to mom, the tremble felt to touch hand of somebody for the first time in a dark movie theatre, first class we bunked, the feeling of first love…first time when I found somebody dead inside me…at times life seemed to be nothing more than a retrospective of black and white snapshots.

I needed to burn the overly dramatic feeling gathered up inside me…I groped for a cigarette. Once the smoke entered within, it seemed easy to calm down…I stayed in my messy bed leisurely for some more time and watched how suddenly it became dark outside. And my phone rang…perfect timing!! I needed a heavy shove to get my mind back in place…and Mom called!! After ten minutes long lectures on my career, household and top of all ‘Marriage’ she exempted me at last. I woke up finally…its time to work…

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Quest of verve

After pondering over the sloth Adrika gathered all day, she decided to put some final touches on her lazy day canvas. Took a large mug of brewing coffee…threw herself over the cozy couch and sit by the window of her bed room…after all, nothing could possibly make her feel better than the sight of busy city folks on the runway, struggling to add more zeros on their pay cheques …Adrika was left with immense pleasure to realize that she found a place in the rare category of species who had to bear with boredom in a city full of industrious people…at least for one single day! Thanks to her generous land lady, she could manage a fine share of view of the city through her window glass…in fact she could afford some more thousands only for this (though by the grace of God, surprisingly she found herself sensible enough to not to articulate her thoughts to that money sucking witch).

Adrika fell in love with this city as soon as her flight landed here. But even before she could manage to get accustomed with the vibes, those huge monstrous high rise buildings with uncountable number of offices in each of it, crumbled her with despair. An underpaying job, colleagues who looked more like the werewolves, a boss who looked like a pimp…her job sucks big time! But it taught her the over practiced best excuse invented by the Association of ‘I hate my job’ Suckers to stand with the work… ‘I had no choice’… which she uttered at every morning before leaving for office to be blessed with the strength to cope up with her life.

But at night on her way to home…sleepy & tired…when she used to hear roars of waves thrashing down the shores of city, it seemed not so hard to learn to live in this place…to learn to ‘love’ this city.

She was left with despondency when people said she was never going to find a house of her choice…she was never going to find a place from where she could hear sound of the waves. Every body charged an earth for a sea facing two room flat (God, how she wished to get a millionaire boyfriend!). But then, this country is not devoid of stupid after all (though an alarming rate of lower productivity is visible nowadays). She met with this old widow money worshiper lady…who had at least one advantage for her…the lady was ‘dull’ enough to rent her heaven like flat to a low payment laborer.

So…at last…there was Adrika... took her first day off till she arrived here, to spend quality time with her new found home…after months of neck biting hard work, she decided to spend her day idle…with her cup of cappuccino she watched how the sea washed away defilement of the giant city with setting of the weary sun…who said this city is lifeless?

Friday, July 2, 2010

And the Phoenix flies...

The girl of small town. The one who always believed in fairy tales. Who always hoped and wished she could become the Cinderella once. The girl who loved to dream. The Caring Mistress who always wanted to own a citadel of her own. The one who wanted to love and be loved for better and worse. The child who wanted to care her family like a mother. The girl who wanted to be the Phoenix for once in a life.

......once found herself in the midst of reality!!

It was not her nightmare…it was not something she could afford to witness even in her wildest dream…it was her long hidden fear…it was, this time, happened for true!

Scared for a long time by the terrible cloudburst, she thought the world outside her own-built castle of illusory dreams, has come to an end. Done with her fear, it was time for the Powerful Rebel staying inside her to come out to play. She crossed the threshold at last. With eyes closed, she stretched her hands wide and screamed aloud, ‘‘hit me hard…no matter how much you try I’m not gonna cry this time’’ Trembling with freeze, she tried to stand strong.

It was hard to be in the shield she made around herself. No matter how much she tried, with every blow of wind she lost control of her long protected ‘strength’…she hated to be revealed with her fragility.

But she knew whose conspiracy it was. It was ‘him’ who wanted her to be broken down…it was ‘him’ who wanted her to be revealed with all her weaknesses…it was ‘him’ who wanted to take away her strength. It was the one who threw herself to the land of ‘reality’…the one who made Cinderella to wait but never came back…she would not let him win this time.