My heart leaps up when I behold a rainbow in the sky.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

A Night Of Trance Reality

She thought it was a delusion when the bell rang. Stupefied for a moment Zara decided to lie down at the bed instead of answering the door. But the visitor was reluctant to go. The bell rang once more, this time harder. Annoyed by the visitor’s enthuse, Zara had to get up from the bed. Still drowsy, she opened the door. It was slight dark outside. “Who is it?” she said. The shadow slowly moved towards her… terrified & perplexed Zara tried in lame to close the door, but the shadow was weirdly stronger

than she could think of. He came in & slammed the door. Frozen with fear Zara couldn’t even shout for help. The man came few steps close to her & stopped. Unbearable silence built pillars of dread around them. Zara found it hard to get her voice back until the sudden blow of gust entered into the room from the north window. “Ryan?” she whispered. She couldn’t believe the smell drifting around her, the body in front of her was of Ryan! Bewilder by the moment she couldn’t understand what to do. He slowly came closer & held her hand. “Yes it’s me…who else do u think would dare to come to your house like this?” Ryan said in a low voice, which left Zara enchanted in the same way just as it used to do earlier. Trembling with mixed feelings she tried in vein to get hold on her emotions while he kissed on her hand. Hated to break down in front of him but she couldn’t help but to hug him in immense ardency. Seems like ages she touched him...

She hated it, but Ryan’s existence compelled her to collapse. Sat down on the floor, she found it hard to utter a single word to him despite of all the rehearsals she had in her alone-time to prepare herself for this moment. He ruined her plan once again! The immense amount of hatred, anger, guilt she has stored in her heart for herself came down in form of hot stream of water and rolled down her cheeks.

Just like earlier Ryan fantastically played role of a perfect spectator whilst Zara got unmanageable with sudden burst of varied emotions. Insufferable moment of tranquility spread in the room.

Done with weeping, the silence gave Zara time to realize it was ‘Ryan’ who was in front of her…who made her life worth living & murdered her soul at the same time. She realized perhaps life would not give her another chance to feel his existence again in her life time. She knew she had little time left. His exit from Zara’s life made her realize that life without him wouldn’t be worth living no matter how perfect it could be. She craved for him every night…she cried for him with sight of every single thing that was connected with him.

Fighting with her ego, Zara went up to Ryan to try for the last time to make him fall in love with her. She hugged him again....strong enough to not let him go away until he surprised her with an unexpected move…he held her waist & took her to the bed. Dazed by the act, Zara had no control over her mind to understand what was going on until she felt Ryan was slowly unfolding her soul with his amazing strokes. Her wings got the power to fly once again. With every touch of Ryan she felt she was coming back to life…

Zara lost count of time… it was when the night slowly removed his curtain of gloom she realized the first light was shining through the glass. Ryan had to go…she held his hand for the last time & asked, “Whatever happened was that out of lust or is there anything left?” He stopped for a while. With an unfamiliar crooked smile, he whispered on her ear, “I did it out of L-O-V-E honey!” Kissed on her hand, he left the room.

The clock struck five. Zara didn’t know for how long she lied still in the same place where Ryan left him. The music of the wall clock filled the room, but she couldn’t gather enough desire to get back to her normal life.

She knew whatever happened was not real…she knew she could never ever feel the real 'Ryan' again…but perhaps sometimes illusion proved more essential for survival than reality.

Friday, March 12, 2010

The Astral Journey

My heart singed by the chastity…beckoning of hope seemed impossible to resist. Quest for my long lost belief seemed to come to an end. Still I was not strong enough to fight with the fears I had… I forgot to live.

I tried to hear the music of life but my heart was still pervaded with the fragrance of yours…my mind was still captivated with single most memories of yours…you left no room for me to make a new one.

But I knew I had to move on…I knew you were not worthy enough to give up my life…I knew you were the one who killed my spirit. I tried to take help of hatred to gather some strength to ignore your thoughts & extend my hand to touch the light instead…that helped a bit. I realized I had more reasons to hate you.

As I groped towards the illumination, I felt sound of your laugh was fading out…with every step of mine, I was shedding off the feeling of your touch left in me…I was leaving you!

I felt numb as I reached the end…I had the world full of glow in front of me…I could learn the way to live once again. But as I was about to take the last step I got shivers down my spine…I turned my back & shut the window.

Breaking down into tears, I realized no matter how much bad you have done, no matter how contemptible you were I failed to take you out of my soul…My Love for you remains.